Page 36 - messenger

36 Lifestyle

The W rld

according to Fran

Last month I finished by saying “finally I love the Virgin Trains Head lamp lights
recorded message when you flush the loo on the pendelino to Spanx
London” but didn’t tell you what it was (another blonde, senior The passenger on the train who is talking really loudly into his mobile phone telling
moment). Well here it is: his wife that “yes, I am on the train”
Cold callers
Top marks to Mr Branson. Very funny. But only the first few Your ex
times you hear it. Now that trains are down to a couple of Cramp
hours to London not many of you probably visit the toilet so Adult Acne
may not have heard it at all. However if, like me, you have a blad- Old receipts
der like a sieve, you will visit two or three times and it does get a Non winning lottery tickets
bit boring and repetative. Spiders
MP’s expense claims
I was wondering if I should maybe write to Mr B to see if you could put a sen- Parking Fines
sor on the toilet seat to recognise my derriere and stop the message. If he is not able to do Burnt Toast
this perhaps he could change the list every couple of months. I thought I would send him Celebrity Fitness DVD’s
a few ideas to choose from so that he could change the message if he is not able to put a Cockroaches
sensor on the toilet seat. Plastic wrap around dvd’s & cd’s
Uninformed Jouranlists
Obviously we would have to start with Nappies, Sanitary Towels and Paper Towels and he Gifts from Elderly Relatives
could add in any of the list below: Broken Nails
People who alter the height of your seat at work and think it is funny when you fall off your
Deadlines chair (you SO know who you are!)
The World According to Fran page from the Messenger Hot weather when you are not on holiday (went to the caravan in Yorkshire this year for two
Touring caravans weeks and it poured down)
Cashiers who give you your change on top of a receipt
Rude Shop Assistants
Monthly Competition People who eat with their mouth open
Foreign Call Centres
Spam e-mail
Novelty Underpants
Frankie and Benny’s Static Electricity
Clipboards
Somethin’ exciting has landed at Frankie’s! We’re Long gloves
bringin’ you folks a brand new menu, and it’s even bet- Unidentified Tubes of meat
ter than anythin’ we’ve done before. People who drive in the middle lane and only in the middle lane no matter what
Oysters
Tax Returns
Our mouth-waterin’ new menu combines bold state- Go Compare Opera Singer
side flavours with traditional Italian classics. We’re People who drive slowly in the fast lane
shoutin’ about our juicy Brooklyn Beef Burger, loaded Old Wives Tales
high with smoky BBQ pulled beef. We’ve also got great
new pizzas and fully loaded calzones- we’d recom- Talking of which here is a list of some of the one’s my mum used to say to me and my sisters
and brother (sadly I have used some of them on Jack – I said I never would but sometimes
mend tryin’ the ultimate Mac ‘N’ Cheese Calzone; a when I open my mouth my mother comes out!)
folded pizza stuffed with mac ‘n’ cheese, pulled pork
and BBQ Sauce. And not forgettin’ those tasty pasta · “Entertaining yourself” will make you go blind and have hairy palms.
dishes, like our classic F&B Meatballs on a pile of · Ice cream leads to nightmares.
· Letting a wound "dry out" is the proper treatment.
spaghetti, with mozzarella and freshly baked Italian · Cracking knuckles gives arthritis.
bread sticks. · Don't swallow gum or it will stay in your stomach for seven years.
· Don't make silly faces or it will make the silly face permanent.
· Chocolate leads to acne.
These fresh new dishes are all part of what we like to · Shaving makes the hair grow back thicker.
call the Red Sauce Revolution! · Eating crusts (of a sandwich) makes your hair go curly
· The appearance of white spots on the fingernails (Leukonychia) is due to
So whether you’re a chip nicker or a Pudding Splitter, a lying
Mammoth Muncher or a Speedy Luncher, there’s a · It's bad luck to open an umbrella indoors.
booth for you at Frankie & Benny’s. The new menu is · Put butter on a bruise (in fact she put butter on everything – it was THE cure
available for all to try now, so what you waitin’ for! all)
· When you put the pillowcases on your pillows, the opening should never
face A door - otherwise evil spirits will be able to slip into the pillowcase.
Make a booking today with your Manchester Law Soci- · Hold your breath going past a cemetery or ghosts will follow you home
ety Key for the City Card to receive 20% off your total
food bill at any time Sunday – Friday at any Frankie and
Benny’s site across the North West!!
Fran Eccles-Bech
Two prizes are available - 1st prize £100 voucher and 2nd prize £50. To enter Chief Executive
answer the following question
Frankie and Benny’s have a new menu - what is it called?

and send to [email protected] no later than 11th
September 2015.
The winner of the Parlour competition was Sherrelle Scott, Trainee Solicitor, HRC Law LLP